back alley. ellie-june

About 8 months ago, I was raped down the back alley of a Primark by a male 'friend' who had not taken no for an answer when I told him I was not interested. I made it clear, I told him I didn't want a relationship or sex or anything more than a friendship. But he didn't listen.

I had a suspicion he was following me when I saw him in the cafe I stopped for lunch in. He was nervous yet his eyes lingered on me and, in my ridiculous confidence, I goaded him, to test if he really was following me. I walked down behind Primark to where the large trucks were, huge bins of clothes and I felt him grab me from behind and drag me round a corner. One greasy hand fumbled my skirt whilst the other clamped over my mouth, stopping me from crying out in fear. I tried to fight, to bite his skin, to flail my body to no avail as he pushed me to the floor, using his weight to his advantage to pin me down, to stop me from moving anywhere and I gave up, hoping he would end my life once he was done.

After 10 minutes, he got up, wiping himself down and buckling back up. I heard the distinct click of a phone camera shutter before his footsteps faded away and I passed out.

When I woke up to a Primark employee shaking me awake, I felt my face, still damp with tears and my skirt still pulled up, tights torn and holey. The girl's face was pale and drawn with worry and fear.

In a world where I thought I was safe, safe enough to walk in daylight alone, simply showed both my naivety and the danger in the world. Rapists take opportunities when they see it and, since I found the #YMMC charity, I have designated as much of my time as possible to helping victims like me. I don't want anyone to ever have to go through what I did. I wish the world we lived in wasn't this dangerous but know that you are safe with some people, especially those around you on this site for we understand.